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Monday, June 28, 2010

Granny Panties

Well it has been turned on......The electro-magnetic force field that connects hands to pregnant bellies has been turned on within my uterus....the force is with me.
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This past weekend we traveled to Columbus for family filled events. We went to the 3rd wedding of my FIL (insert the what the f**k face here), a cookout with old friends, the baptism of my nephew as well as my good friend's son, and an entire office get-together of my husband's firm. Phew, there were many hands to feel a stomach.
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This whole phenomenon of the "must touch" on a pregnant belly actually doesn't bother me like I thought it would. I know some woman can't stand it and feel very violated, yet others just absolutely love it. I, however, am in the middle and indifferent on the whole issue.
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The one unfortunate thing that I did become awkwardly aware of is exactly what all these people were feeling. You see, when I look down and touch my belly I just kind of pat the top portion of it. It seems when most people come in for the feel they go right in the middle, and kind of low. Well after a few people had had their feel I decided to put my hand down there to see exactly what they were feeling................and there it was................my GRANNY PANTIE LINE!!
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I was kind of mortified. Ha ha ha...I mean of course no one would say aww, I feel your underwear, but I'm sure they did. I was totally busted. So I guess I now have to put comfort aside for these family occasions, or at least not pull my granny panties up to my belly button.
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Ahh, but who doesn't love the comfort of those big ole undies that look like a grocery sack with two leg holes?
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Tiffany

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Worrying

I think there is one thing that all infertiles have in common no matter if you had to use the beginning stages of a.r.t. or advanced stages of a.r.t. and that one thing is WORRY.
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My heart especially goes out to women who have experienced loss. I truly keep you and all your little angels in my prayers and think your amazingly strong woman to pick yourself back up from your bootstraps and get back on with life. I think all these struggles of trying and trying and trying, and then failing and failing and failing over and over again leave us with a slightly tainted joy during pregnancy.
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I was watching a show in which an obgyn dr. was talking about women who get pregnant again after a miscarriage. She was explaining how none of them truly "believe" they will have a baby until the baby is actually in their arms after delivery. Bless their hearts.
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Now again, I have not experienced a loss like that so I can't say I know to the full extent what that heart ache feels like. What I can speak to is the constant worry that something is, or will go wrong with this pregnancy like all my other attempts have gone wrong.
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I'm getting to the point (ok, who am I kidding...) I've BEEN at the point where I over analyze every single thing that is, or isn't happening. For instance, I haven't mentioned this before but I have a low lying placenta. It is not covering my cervix (thank God) therefore it isn't quite placenta previa, but it is still cause for concern. Because of this, I will be having another ultrasound around 24 weeks. (Yay, I guess...getting a good thing out of a bad situation.) So therefore, I worry about this everyday and hope that it won't cause early labor.
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This brings me to my second huge worry. The kicks. I know I'm only 20 weeks and my dr. said it's normal for a first time mom to not feel much yet but I don't....feel much of anything. Around 16.5 weeks I started to feel my first flutters. It was amazing. I was like wow, there's really something in there. However, around 18 weeks it kind of stopped. In our ultrasound at 19 weeks the baby looked healthy and was moving all over the place. He is laying and always snuggling into the placenta (I swear he loves that thing) so the dr. said I probably just can't feel him yet because his movements are cushioned by the placenta. I know, I know, that when he gets bigger and stronger I will be able to feel him more but I just worry. Every hour of every day that goes by and I'm not feeling anything I really get freaked out that....well you know....I think the worse. I just had another regular check up 3 days ago and the heart was beating perfectly. I recorded it on my phone so I can keep reminding myself that everything is ok.
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So I guess the moral of this post is that it sucks to feel like just because getting pregnant was such a struggle, that naturally my pregnancy will be a struggle also. But I guess all this worry will just get us ready for motherhood....right?
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Tiffany

Monday, June 21, 2010

Halfway There!

You see that? That's a picture of a stone...my milestone.
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What a huge milestone it is. 20 weeks. Halfway there. Wow.
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Halfway between a catheter of semen in my vagina, and meeting my baby.
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Halfway between a size 4, and a size _ _ (something double digits)
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Halfway between a family of 4, and a family of 5 (counting fur children)
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Halfway between 8hrs of sleep, and 2hr intervals.
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Halfway between constant worry and depression, and total bliss and overwhelming love.
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This is really happening!
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Tiffany

Friday, June 18, 2010

And it's only going to get bigger?

First off no, that is not a belly pic of me. lol But I'm sure you already figured that out.
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I'm having one of those days. It's one of those days where I'm feeling blah, and it seems like everything is getting more difficult. And just when I embrace my new body and think, "oh, well this can be kinda cute" then I totally realize that "this" will only be "this" for a few more days until it gets bigger. I'm having a hard time really understanding the fact that I'm only getting bigger.
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Plus, on top of that I FEEL HORRIBLE that I'm even getting down, or complaining about getting bigger. I realize how selfish that seems. "Didn't you want this Tiffany?" "Didn't you hope, and dream, and wish, and pray for this?" YES! I know I did and I'm so blessed and couldn't be happier. I know there are millions of women who would love to complain about getting bigger and not have to complain about their next RE appointment. I know, and I'm sorry I feel like this, I feel guilty.
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It is just crazy how one week and outfit can look great on me, then the next week I can't quit button it all the way up. It's frustrating that I can no longer shave my legs in our stand up shower because I can't get my leg high enough because my belly is playing defense. It's plain old yucky feeling when I sit down without a bra on that I can feel my boobs rest on my belly. Finally, it's depressing that I feel like I'm the only woman in history that is carrying her baby: not high like a girl, or not low like a boy, but in the ass like a freak.
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Anyone know a good store for freaky ass baby carrying pants? Thanks and have a great weekend!
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Tiffany

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sorry So Blurry

Here are a few pics. Once again I am technology insufficient so I'm sorry these are so blurry. I hope you can see everything!!
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Here is profile: you see nose, right arm up doing a fist pump, black hole in the chest is the heart!

Here is a 3D image: you can see his right hand covering his face with shyness. Also you can tell just how bony they are at this point. Not much baby fat at only 10oz!
Finally the beautiful boy parts! "Look at me Dad, I'm a boy just like you!"

Tiffany

It's a....

It's a.....
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Healthy
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Measuring perfectly
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Baby
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BOY!
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Our son Bradley is so precious. Pictures to come!
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Tiffany

Today is the Day!

We will find out what flavor of cupcake is baking in there!! This is so emotional I cannot even think straight.
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This will be a two post kind of day, so I'll be back with the news!!
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I hope cupcake will spread it's little legs for the camera so we can find out....son or daughter!
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Tiffany

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Holy Sh*t I'm Really Pregnant Moment

Ok, so I had the moment....the Holy sh*t I'm really pregnant moment.
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Well ok, let me be honest...I had the moment AGAIN. Pretty much since the day I actually got the BFP it really hasn't hit me all the way I don't think. I'm always thinking this has to be a dream or something. So I'll be honest, I've had many holy sh*t this is really happening to me moments.
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For instance:
The first I'm really pregnant moment came when I got the BFP
Then there was the 3 other BFP's to follow and the beta results
Then there was the first Ultrasound...that was a big holy sh*t moment
Then there was the morning sickness
Then there was the huge nipples, followed by these breasts that I now have that rest on my belly when I sit...what?
Then there was the 12week ultra sound that actually resembled a human which again was another holy sh*t moment.
Finally there was this belly that is growing which really made me think ok, I'm really pregnant.
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HOWEVER....
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I had another HUGE holy sh*t I'm really pregnant moment last night. I'm talking enormous.
Here goes...
I got out of the shower, and looked in the mirror, and.....I SAW A LINE. I SAW THE LINE. HOLY COW I THINK I HAVE STARTED GETTING LINEA NEGRA!! (That is the dark line that shows up on many women during pregnancy that runs from the pubic bone to your belly button. Some women have it all the way up to their sternum.)
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I just couldn't believe it. I was almost scared or grossed out. Not that I think it's that gross, I was just scared that I was too early in my pregnancy to have something like this. So of course I freaked out and ran downstairs half naked to ask hubs if he saw it. Yup he said. So I ran straight to Dr. Google to ask "When does linea negra appear" or "How soon for linea negra" Luckily Dr. Google pulled through as he always does and told me that it normally shows up anytime in the second trimester. With me being almost 19 weeks I can understand why this is happening. It still hit me hard like wow, I'm really pregnant aren't I?
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So here is a pic, I know, I know, you're going to tell me you don't see a thing. All you do see probably is the nice hole left by my once adorable belly button piercing. But it's there, I promise you. (And yes I'm in my pj's, which means I'm wearing my hubs boxers, no judgement!)



Tiffany

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Trial Run

Last night we babysat our dear friends 2 year old daughter as they were in the hospital giving birth to their second daughter. It was our first over-night with a toddler. (Well, it was my husband first over night with one....but it has been many years since I babysat as well.)
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We had a ball and Natalie (2yr old) did great. Actually, since she played with our dogs so well, and kept herself busy with them, there were times we jokes that we could just leave and have the dogs babysit!
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Needless to say, I'm still exhausted. She slept great through the night, spending the whole night in her own bed, however I did not sleep so great. I was up every few hours wondering if I heard her or not. Plus, even when she was playing there was still a heightened awareness I kept the entire day just making sure she wasn't getting into anything.
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Man, oh man, it really made me thankful and made me realize that babies come out babies for a reason. There is a reason that when they first come out they can't move anywhere on their own. As good and as easy as Natalie is, it's nice to know that when my baby comes we will have a few years to ease into the toddler stage. Phew.
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Baby sister Addison was born Monday morning and is as healthy as can be. It's truly amazing to think I have one of those growing my belly right now!
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Tiffany

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Our FIRST Anniversary

One year ago today I married my best friend. It's hard to believe all that has happened in our lives in just one year. I keep telling hubs, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but it feels like it's been longer than only a year!!
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Here is a trip down memory lane of the events that took place in my life a year ago. Some pics are out of order as I am so technology deficient.































































































































































































































Friday, June 4, 2010

A Baby Shower: Infertile Style

Hello all. The inspiration for this post came to me for two reasons: 1) I feel like my blog has lost it's comedic touch and I've gone all sappy (must be the hormones) and : 2) My cousin has planned to throw my baby shower so it got me thinking.
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Honestly, I hate baby showers. Even though I'm pregnant, I still hate them. I don't know what it is about them that I hate so badly....maybe it's the fact that if you don't verbally "oooooh" and "aaaahhh" people look at you funny. Maybe it's the fact that when I'm a guest at them and they don't serve alcohol just because the mom-to-be can't drink I get soberly annoyed. But maybe the fact that I hate them so badly is all the corny, goofy, totally tmi inappropriate games that are played.
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I'm sure we've all been to parties where you've had to play the "guess how big my belly is with a string" game, or the "eat melted chocolate out of a diaper as fast as you can" game, or the most inappropriate, "guess the date they conceived" game. Ew. No thank you. Next are you going to make me guess what position they used?
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So this got me thinking of some games a "Once Infertile" mom-to-be could have played at her shower. Please, feel free to laugh hysterically and play your own version of these games at your shower!
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NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY...
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***Guess how many times Mommy and Daddy had unprotected sex WITHOUT conceiving
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***Guess how many times Mommy's RE has put something in Mommy's vagina
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***Guess how much money, without going over, Mommy and Daddy have spent on TTC
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***Guess, to the closest whole number, Daddy's sperm count. Both washed and unwashed.
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***On the piece of paper in front of you, write down as many fertility drugs as you can name
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***Finally, everyone pull a used OPK out of this bag, whoever has the darkest line wins!
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WINNERS OF THESE GAMES GET MOMMY'S LEFT OVER SUPPLY OF METFORMIN, OLD SYRINGES, AND USED BFN PREGNANCY TESTS!
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Happy Partyin!
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Tiffany

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Different 2WW


Today I find myself in yet another 2WW. Now, of course, this 2WW is not at ALL as stressful or emotional as the real 2WW, so I hope nobody really thinks I'm trying to compare the two.
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However, in just 2 weeks our baby will have an identity!! (Well, besides Cupcake of course.) In two weeks we will know if our first born is a daughter, or a son. We will know if it's a (insert our girl name here) or if it's a (insert our boy name here). And I know you all must be waiting on pins and needles to hear our name choices as well. Ha ha, jk.
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In the beginning I thought I wouldn't want to find out the sex of my first baby. My thinking was, we will need to buy everything anyway so why does it matter if we ruin the surprise. But I definitely thought I would want to know the sex of my second baby because then we could decide what we wanted to keep as far as clothes and things, and what we wanted to give away.
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Well, obviously you can see my thought process has changed. The closer it gets to being able to find out, the more I feel like I absolutely NEED to know! I feel like it will increase the bonding process so intensely to actually be able to call it by name. The thought of being able to do that almost is too overwhelming to me right now because it's so amazing feeling. Plus selfishly, I can't wait to get things with the baby's name on them...I just love personalization!!! lol!
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I have so much respect for people who hold out till their delivery for the boy/girl surprise! Once again I'm showing my personality: 1)Not being patient 2)Wanting things when I want them 3)and wanting them NOW!! :)
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Tiffany