NIAW

Happy NIAW, if you can even really even be happy about that.

National Infertility Awareness Week is so powerful, I think it should have it's own month. Or better yet, it's own day each month and it shall be called, NIAW CD1.

I know what I'm about to write might sound ridiculous, but for some reason tonight I have to get it off my chest. I am so lucky. I know this every. single. day. But however this year during NIAW I feel awkward, unworthy, out of sorts, and just plain weird.

I find myself sitting here tonight catching up on blogs: I find myself reading stories of fellow bloggies's third and fourth IVF cycle's failing, stories of d&c's, and stories hope and despair. I read about "Spread the word!" , "It's NIAW!" But then I feel like I am not worthy of claiming infertility because I did get pregnant via IUI. Even though I spent 21 months of my life dealing with PCOS and DR. apts and medication and testing and needle pricks, I technically only spent 4 months on medicated iui cycles of hard core ttc.

I know this is ridiculous but in some ways I feel not worthy of "celebrating" NIAW because I now have a beautiful healthy (almost) 6 month old at home.

I hate how infertility fucks with you.

One month/year you're not even worthy of getting your period after a failed cycle, then the next year you're feeling like you're not even worthy of feeling sorry for yourself for all the struggles you went though........thus you realize, so many others have had to struggle more.

Hence: The following is what hubs was dealing with today at an all male work environment.

The conversation was something like; Oh so-and-so has all girls, and so-and-so is pregnant again, and so-and-so has fifty-fucking-five easily conceived children, oh and You (my husband) well at least you had a boy so the pressure is off. WHAT? WTF DOES THAT MEAN? No! The pressure isn't off because he cannot just look at my vagina and get me pregnant like obviously you can with your wife. No, just because we've conceived one baby does not mean the pressure is off because we would like to conceive more.

I know this is so hard for some people to read because "at least I have a baby!" But I still feel that tormenting anguish of the fear of never being able to conceive again. So in the spirit of that feeling....happy NIAW!

Tiffany

Fun With Stickers (No I don't play with stickers...usually)

One of the many reasons I am so glad I started this blog is for documentation purposes. I must admit I am HORRIBLE at keeping up with things like journals and baby books and memories stuff. I was horrible about it during my engagement, wedding, and pregnancy. Now with my baby I've really tried to get on the ball with documenting memories and milestones.

My saving grace has been this calendar I received as a gift. It's really stupid but it came with about 30 or so convenient stickers to help document milestones. For example there is a sticker for first smile, first trip, first steps, etc. Also, hubs and I are trying to write down a little something for each day of the year.

Well here's the funny part. I am finding that they left out a few stickers for very important milestones.

For example: Where is my sticker for First Time Baby Finds His Penis.

Also, I appreciate the sticker for First Tooth, but where is the sticker after that for, First Bite On Mom's Nipple?

Or, First Blow Out To Reach Your Neck

I would also like a First Fart That Smells sticker.

After this evening I am in the market for the sticker to document First Time Baby Kicks Daddy In The Balls.

What stickers would you need?

Tiffany

An update, and "I would never be like that!"

I am exhausted.

I am not even tired from nights. Nights are still decent because I am still swaddling. I think the cereal is keeping him full longer too. He's been sleeping about a 12 hour stretch with waking to eat once, sometimes twice, but he is so easy. Wake up, 3 to 5 minutes on boob, back to sleep. Ahh night's are good.

Naps however, are miserable. The poor thing really has no idea why he's laying in his crib with these annoying limbs that keep jerking him awake. Then when he does startle and wake up, he starts hysterically crying because he thinks someone just scared him and now he is laying there alone, scared, and awake. I've tried letting him cry it out, I've tried staying crib level and just putting my hand through the railings to paci and rub belly, I've tried keeping him awake as long as possible to really try and tire him out...........but nothing will get him napping for more than 25-30 minutes. We are all so tired.

Has anyone had to train their baby to sleep un-swaddled? Any tips? Please!

Now to what I find funny. I took my first day trip to the park on Friday. Holy hell that place is an infertiles worst nightmare. Bumps and babies everywhere. It definitely made me take a moment (as I often do) and be so thankful.

Anyway....You know we've all said the, "When I'm a mom I would never be like that" or said the very comforting, "My kids won't be like that." But you really never know what you'd do until..well you know...walked a mile in someone else's shoes.

However, I really had to say I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE THAT when I saw some of these mothers. I mean I know I don't have multiple children and I do not know what stress that brings but I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. One mother was pushing her 3 year old on the swing while she just let her 10 month old scream and cry and ball his eyes out while crawling toward her in the mulch getting wood chips and bark all up in and on his clothes. Poor guy. Then there was the mother who just sat as she watched her kid cry out "I want my mommy" in the middle of the play ground and didn't do anything to console him. Other mothers started acting worried and were trying to help him find his mom and still she just sat there sipping her coffee. Unreal.

Last thought. I know I have a big baby. I know he's a big boy. I know this because he is MINE and I am at all the dr. appointments when they tell me he is in the 86th percentile for height and the 74th for weight. I know all this and I love it. He is big, strong and healthy. Go boobs right?! Well let me tell you what I don't need to hear, "You're kid is HUGE!" Huge? Really? Do you really need to use that word? Can't you just say he is a big boy. Or, he is big boy for his age. But huge? Why does that word just piss me off?

Maybe next time I'll just say back what I feel, "Well thanks, and your kid looks unkempt with boogies down to her knees and her hair in a knot." How do you think that would go over?

Tiffany

Oh Happy Day!

My kid pooped. My kid pooped 3 times.

Which means I had to practice the art of follow-through. Yes, I did go buy my kid a toy. (I know, I know he has no sense of what's going on.) But still it is good practice for me. I know as a parent, you can't say one thing and do another. (Hence all of "those" mom's who tell their kid they will count to 3 or else....well I think those mom's are still out there counting.) So anyway, since I said I would buy him a toy if he pooped, B is the proud new owner of 99c plastic toy keys.

Another oh happy day moment: B put himself to sleep unswaddled. He talked, then whined, then cried for about 2 minutes and fell asleep. Progress. Now, since then he's woke himself up twice and required a paci. But hey, we're getting there.

Day 2 of oatmeal tonight. Oh happy day!

Tiffany

I'll buy you a toy if you poop.

Is it too early to start bribing my kid?

3 days on rice cereal and still no poop. He has had pretty loud massive gassy farts, but no prize. Poor guy.

Thanks for your comments again. Tonight we are moving on to oatmeal and here's to hoping that will help get things moving for him. I know they say to introduce new foods like one week or two weeks at a time or something, but I'm pretty confident that if B would be allergic to the rice, he would have showed symptoms by now.

So oats tonight and praying for a poop.

Napping: He still doesn't understand why he is supposed to sleep when his arms are free. It's getting better, i.e. shorter crying periods and longer stints of sleep. But by no means does he have any clue on what he is doing, I think by now he is just exhausted and gives up the fight.

Plus, someone needs to come tell me to stop being an idiot and trying to shower, wash my hair, AND shave my legs while I'm sleep training for naps. I've been running in and out of the shower having to lather down and lather up my legs. Dummy.

Tiffany

One hurdle down, now on to the next. (Repeat a bajillion times until, well, forever.)

We did it. We started B on solids.

Thank you all so much for all your great input. You seriously all rock. (Did I really just use the term "you rock"?) Yes, yes I did and you do. There isn't a better way to put it. All you bloggy friends are so awesome.

So after much consideration, and reading your comments, we decided to start B on rice cereal. I went to the store and bought some veggies but I think I'm going to hold off for a week or two on those. Because B has only ever had breast milk in his little belly, I thought the rice cereal would be the best next step for us. And it was.

He loves it. He totally loves it and took to the spoon better than I thought. He also got more to the back of his mouth to swallow than I thought. It was so cute and fun to watch him reach for it. I am definitely glad we started. He was ready. Also I think it is helping his sleep considering I was only up with him once last night in a 12 hour stretch.

Poop situation: We started Sunday night. Monday morning he had 2 big poops. (Probably not the cereal yet.) Today, no poops as of yet. So it's technically been over a day without a poop. I will keep you all filled in on the poop situation. I'm sure the next poop will be nice and new smelling. I'm just hoping it doesn't take 4 days to get here.

The next hurdle: Sleep training WITHOUT being swaddled. I guess when they stop making swaddle blankets big enough for your kid, it's time for him to start sleeping spread eagle. THIS SUCKS. But it needs to be learned. Could you imagine me unswaddling my 10 year old every morning so he can get ready for school?

Yesterday we started sleep training just for naps. He doesn't get it. He thinks if his arms are out, it's time to play. 90 minutes of crying, trying to roll over, getting his legs stuck outside the crib, rolling back over, trying to paci, crying and crying some more, he slept for 15 minutes. The next nap he took in the car seat because we were out and about and his third nap I caved and swaddled.

So today we try again. 30 minutes of crying, rolling over, getting both legs stuck outside the crib while an arm is stuck under him he spits up and lays his face in it, strip the bed, new sheets, paci, rolling over some more (did not learn his lesson) crying and rolling over some more, me rolling him back, paci, and more crying he slept for 20 minutes. He is down again unswaddled and we are going on a half hour here. I'm impressed.

Oh yeah and just to jazz things up a bit, our video monitor BROKE last night. Yup, at 2am. Perfect. Beautiful. Luckily it still has audio, but the video is kaput. While waiting on a replacement, (Yes, Summer is sending us a replacement asap therefore so far I like this company) I am flying blind here folks.

Wish us luck.

Tiffany

Should I? Or shouldn't I?

Bradley is 5 months old.

Holy bleepin bleepity bleep.

How the bleep did this happen?

Where the bleep did the time go?

Ok so he is 5 months old and has gone from being my amazing sleeper from 10pm to 6am, to waking up three. bleeping. times. a. night.

This needs to change.

I think we might start him on rice cereal tonight.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Info? Please!

I know I would be starting him a whole month earlier than I had planned, wanted to, and that is recommended. That is the only reason I have such reservation. But all in all, I think he is ready. Actually I think he is so ready that I'm starting to feel bad if I don't give it too him. Nursing is going great and I haven't wanted to add anything to our schedule. Well maybe I just want to keep him an infant forever. But I can't. And he is pretty much shouting from the roof tops that he is ready.

For one, he just cut his first tooth!! I know, I can't believe it either. This morning hubs and I felt and it was totally out through the gums. Oh. My. Gosh.

Second, he has total head control and can sit up (assisted) like a little champ. I know he will be able to hold his head up and straight enough to swallow/eat.

Third, he is TOTALLY interested in what we are eating. He can be in the middle of active play and as soon as I put something in my mouth to stops, still as a statue, and watches me chew. It is hilarious. But also it is making me feel guilty that he's not eating anything yet. I think he totally wants to.

If we do this I am just so afraid and hope his little GI tract is ready for this. I've heard of babies getting horrible tummy pain and constipation. I don't wish that for him. Also, I just can't believe it won't just be him and my boobs anymore. It will be him, my boobs, spoons, cereal, and the bottle of left over breast milk I am going to use to make the cereal with. Whoa. And they said three's a crowd...

Anyone have any pointers on starting cereal? Anyone have any pointers on how to stop your kid from growing up so quickly? Anything will help!

Tiffany