Granny Panties

Well it has been turned on......The electro-magnetic force field that connects hands to pregnant bellies has been turned on within my uterus....the force is with me.
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This past weekend we traveled to Columbus for family filled events. We went to the 3rd wedding of my FIL (insert the what the f**k face here), a cookout with old friends, the baptism of my nephew as well as my good friend's son, and an entire office get-together of my husband's firm. Phew, there were many hands to feel a stomach.
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This whole phenomenon of the "must touch" on a pregnant belly actually doesn't bother me like I thought it would. I know some woman can't stand it and feel very violated, yet others just absolutely love it. I, however, am in the middle and indifferent on the whole issue.
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The one unfortunate thing that I did become awkwardly aware of is exactly what all these people were feeling. You see, when I look down and touch my belly I just kind of pat the top portion of it. It seems when most people come in for the feel they go right in the middle, and kind of low. Well after a few people had had their feel I decided to put my hand down there to see exactly what they were feeling................and there it was................my GRANNY PANTIE LINE!!
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I was kind of mortified. Ha ha ha...I mean of course no one would say aww, I feel your underwear, but I'm sure they did. I was totally busted. So I guess I now have to put comfort aside for these family occasions, or at least not pull my granny panties up to my belly button.
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Ahh, but who doesn't love the comfort of those big ole undies that look like a grocery sack with two leg holes?
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Tiffany

Worrying

I think there is one thing that all infertiles have in common no matter if you had to use the beginning stages of a.r.t. or advanced stages of a.r.t. and that one thing is WORRY.
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My heart especially goes out to women who have experienced loss. I truly keep you and all your little angels in my prayers and think your amazingly strong woman to pick yourself back up from your bootstraps and get back on with life. I think all these struggles of trying and trying and trying, and then failing and failing and failing over and over again leave us with a slightly tainted joy during pregnancy.
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I was watching a show in which an obgyn dr. was talking about women who get pregnant again after a miscarriage. She was explaining how none of them truly "believe" they will have a baby until the baby is actually in their arms after delivery. Bless their hearts.
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Now again, I have not experienced a loss like that so I can't say I know to the full extent what that heart ache feels like. What I can speak to is the constant worry that something is, or will go wrong with this pregnancy like all my other attempts have gone wrong.
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I'm getting to the point (ok, who am I kidding...) I've BEEN at the point where I over analyze every single thing that is, or isn't happening. For instance, I haven't mentioned this before but I have a low lying placenta. It is not covering my cervix (thank God) therefore it isn't quite placenta previa, but it is still cause for concern. Because of this, I will be having another ultrasound around 24 weeks. (Yay, I guess...getting a good thing out of a bad situation.) So therefore, I worry about this everyday and hope that it won't cause early labor.
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This brings me to my second huge worry. The kicks. I know I'm only 20 weeks and my dr. said it's normal for a first time mom to not feel much yet but I don't....feel much of anything. Around 16.5 weeks I started to feel my first flutters. It was amazing. I was like wow, there's really something in there. However, around 18 weeks it kind of stopped. In our ultrasound at 19 weeks the baby looked healthy and was moving all over the place. He is laying and always snuggling into the placenta (I swear he loves that thing) so the dr. said I probably just can't feel him yet because his movements are cushioned by the placenta. I know, I know, that when he gets bigger and stronger I will be able to feel him more but I just worry. Every hour of every day that goes by and I'm not feeling anything I really get freaked out that....well you know....I think the worse. I just had another regular check up 3 days ago and the heart was beating perfectly. I recorded it on my phone so I can keep reminding myself that everything is ok.
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So I guess the moral of this post is that it sucks to feel like just because getting pregnant was such a struggle, that naturally my pregnancy will be a struggle also. But I guess all this worry will just get us ready for motherhood....right?
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Tiffany

Halfway There!

You see that? That's a picture of a stone...my milestone.
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What a huge milestone it is. 20 weeks. Halfway there. Wow.
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Halfway between a catheter of semen in my vagina, and meeting my baby.
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Halfway between a size 4, and a size _ _ (something double digits)
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Halfway between a family of 4, and a family of 5 (counting fur children)
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Halfway between 8hrs of sleep, and 2hr intervals.
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Halfway between constant worry and depression, and total bliss and overwhelming love.
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This is really happening!
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Tiffany

And it's only going to get bigger?

First off no, that is not a belly pic of me. lol But I'm sure you already figured that out.
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I'm having one of those days. It's one of those days where I'm feeling blah, and it seems like everything is getting more difficult. And just when I embrace my new body and think, "oh, well this can be kinda cute" then I totally realize that "this" will only be "this" for a few more days until it gets bigger. I'm having a hard time really understanding the fact that I'm only getting bigger.
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Plus, on top of that I FEEL HORRIBLE that I'm even getting down, or complaining about getting bigger. I realize how selfish that seems. "Didn't you want this Tiffany?" "Didn't you hope, and dream, and wish, and pray for this?" YES! I know I did and I'm so blessed and couldn't be happier. I know there are millions of women who would love to complain about getting bigger and not have to complain about their next RE appointment. I know, and I'm sorry I feel like this, I feel guilty.
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It is just crazy how one week and outfit can look great on me, then the next week I can't quit button it all the way up. It's frustrating that I can no longer shave my legs in our stand up shower because I can't get my leg high enough because my belly is playing defense. It's plain old yucky feeling when I sit down without a bra on that I can feel my boobs rest on my belly. Finally, it's depressing that I feel like I'm the only woman in history that is carrying her baby: not high like a girl, or not low like a boy, but in the ass like a freak.
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Anyone know a good store for freaky ass baby carrying pants? Thanks and have a great weekend!
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Tiffany

Sorry So Blurry

Here are a few pics. Once again I am technology insufficient so I'm sorry these are so blurry. I hope you can see everything!!
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Here is profile: you see nose, right arm up doing a fist pump, black hole in the chest is the heart!

Here is a 3D image: you can see his right hand covering his face with shyness. Also you can tell just how bony they are at this point. Not much baby fat at only 10oz!

Finally the beautiful boy parts! "Look at me Dad, I'm a boy just like you!"

Tiffany

It's a....

It's a.....
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Healthy
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Measuring perfectly
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Baby
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BOY!
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Our son Bradley is so precious. Pictures to come!
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Tiffany

Today is the Day!

We will find out what flavor of cupcake is baking in there!! This is so emotional I cannot even think straight.
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This will be a two post kind of day, so I'll be back with the news!!
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I hope cupcake will spread it's little legs for the camera so we can find out....son or daughter!
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Tiffany