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Monday, August 30, 2010

Pediatricians, Episiotomies & Circumcisions Oh My!

Is this seriously what is consuming my brain? It's almost September and I should be thinking about football, and tailgating, and planning birthday parties, and bobbing for apples, and making a slutty Halloween costume, and shopping for new cute fall boots but instead......my mind is wrapped around the title of this posts. (Ok the slutty costume thing was a joke.) This sounds bad, but I am consumed with looking at Dr's pictures and ruling out the ones who look like pedifiles. I'm thinking about my vagina being cut or tore open and finally I think it's bogus that a circumcision is an elective surgery that is not covered as part of the whole payment package of having a child.

More specifically, I've been trying to set up meetings with a few pediatricians in our area so we can have "our" Dr. be the one to discharge our baby from the hospital. Well wouldn't you know that our health care system is TOTALLY F-ED UP. Oh wait, you did already know that, everyone does. So it turns out that, after I've spent hours on the phone and made fagillion calls, individual providers (the dr's themselves) and the offices or companies they work for have different tax ID numbers. After doing research I found that if the physician I'm looking at to be our babies dr. bills us under the office's name it will show up as out of network. However if he bills us under his own personal ID number it will show up as in network. WTF? So then I had to call the dr's office and ask them how they bill, and from which address. Many physicians work out of more than one office, however it seems that the shidiots working at Anthem only show them as in network when they bill from one location, and out of network if they bill from another. Just.Plain.Dumb.

To the episiotomy topic. I was reading through some paperwork my Ob had given me way back at my first appointment that I probably should have read earlier but hadn't. It was a flyer on the practice's view point on episiotomies. Basically they believe that even after being fully dilated, most every woman will tear slightly. They believe it is just as healthy to let you tear naturally than to cut you. The only time they will perform an episiotomy is if a) you specifically ask for one or b) the baby is in distress and they need to cut you so you can push it out quickly. Actually I'm totally fine with their vision it's just I wish I would have read this earlier. It's a situation like if I were reading about the episiotomy and only been 8 weeks pregnant I would have just read it and stored the info in my brain and went on. Now however when labor seems much closer I read it and my vagina cringes.

Nothing much to say about circumcisions except for the fact that in the itemized breakdown of costs, the circumcision is about $300 less than the anatomy scan. Uh......Um......... I'm no dude but I'm sure some guys would expect to pay top dollar to have their thing cut and pretty much shaped for life. Just a funny observation.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hospital Tour

Last week hubs and I got to go on a tour of the birthing center (the 4th floor) in the hospital we are delivering at. It was so.much.fun! It created this excitement in me that if I were even a few weeks closer to my due date I probably would have hopped up into one of the beds and said, "Induce me now, let's do this!"

For the first half of the hour we sat in the main lobby and had a verbal explanation of everything and a Q and A session. There were 3 other pregnant woman there on the tour. A woman and her husband expecting their first, a woman there with her toddler expecting her second (I'm guessing), and finally a teenager there with her boyfriend or baby's daddy (not sure what he was) AND her parents were there with her AND her grandmother. Let me also just say (no judgement here....ok maybe just a little) that there is no way that the grandmother or the mother had their children when there age started with a 2 or higher. I think every woman in that family had their babies when their age began with a 1..............just saying.

Anyway, I hate when people ask questions, just for the sake of asking questions. This family with the entourage was like that. Also there was not one question they asked that was formed using correct english....again, I'm just saying.

Ok truly moving on. We got to learn all about the rules and regulations at the hospital, and the labor and delivery floor itself. The postpartum (recovery) side of the floor is totally renovated and brand new as of last year. Huge rooms, flat screen tv's, rocking chairs, and that uncomfortable pull out bed for the husbands (oh wait I mean coaches) to sleep on. We don't use the words husband there because you know, babies come from all kinds of families. There are 22 (I think) postpartum rooms. On the labor and delivery side there are 17 laboring rooms and 2 operating rooms. Labor and delivery rooms are equipped with soaking tubs, sink for baby's first bath, scale, huge flying saucer looking light that comes out of the ceiling to shine in your hoo ha, and again another uncomfortable bed for the "coach." As you can guess from the numbers it's a small more quaint birthing experience than huge hospitals. They encourage you to labor in any why that you please. You can use the tubs (which I will not, that grosses me out) or use the birthing balls or walk around or just lay there if that's what you want. Pretty much the only thing you can't do is eat. Damn. Besides that I really like how open they are to you laboring in whatever way you feel comfortable. (I hope they don't mind screaming.)

I think the best part of this hospital is that they do not have that typical nursery where you see all the babies lined up behind the window. All babies stay with the mother in the mother's room 100% of the time!!! Everything from delivery to cleaning the baby and weighing the baby, to having the apgar test, to having the pediatrician's first exam of the baby is all done in the mother's room. The only time the baby would leave the mother is if there is an emergency for any reason, or to get circumcised.

Also our hospital does not have any visitor hours on the labor and delivery floor. Therefore if we wanted to have a guest come in at 11pm that would be no problem. The regular hospital visiting hours end at 8pm. I really like that our guests can stay later than that. They do however have a "quiet time" between 1-3pm each day which is for napping and mommy's and daddy's to do their bonding with the baby. They said they won't kick your guests out during those hours but they will ask you to shut your door and be quiet. The nurses try not to come in during those 2 hours as well.

The last thing is super cool in a weird kind of way because I've never heard of this. Obviously security on the baby floors is super high. (Well duh, all us infertiles have thought about baby steeling once in our life.......haha, just kidding.) After they clamp off the umbilical cord they place a little tracker device on the baby's belly button. No joke. It will set off all the alarms in the hospital if it crosses the elevator barrier. If an alarm is set off the entire hospital goes on lock down until all the babies on the floor are accounted for. The funny thing about this is that after delivery the mom and baby are wheeled to the other side of the floor for recovery. You have to pass the elevators to get there and our guide has told us they are so sensitive that they have to watch so they don't wheel the baby too close to set the alarm off. Better safe than sorry!

We learned so much more on this tour, for example where the free food is for after delivery, but I think I've gotten out the gist of it. I did pipe up and asked a few questions like, "How does my baby get a social security number? Do I have to register it with the county like I did my dogs?" Hubs was just laughing at me as I asked that semi-serious question. For those of you who wonder the same thing the hospital should provide you with all the paper work to fill out the birth certificate and they will send it off to the social security department for you. All you have to do is pay for the copies to be mailed back to you. Hey, at least I wasn't the person asking, "Do the hospital provide them there car seats to rent, I heard them are some to rent!" Um no lady, and those of you who "accidentally" got pregnant are not allowed to speak on this tour. Thank you.


Monday, August 23, 2010


I have a brain - body image distortion. Or I've become too "use to" seeing myself pregnant.

You know you have a distortion when you wake up in the morning, have a decent size poop, and look in the mirror and think, "wow, I look skinny today."

No! No Tiffany, there is nothing "skinny" about looking like you swallowed a basketball and having to baby powder your thighs because they rub together.

What has gotten into me? I guess it feels good to feel that way though even if it's only once in a blue moon when I actually #2!


Friday, August 20, 2010

A Birth Plan???

I've done a lot of talking lately with my best friend / sister-in-law / labor and delivery nurse. Yes she really is the trifecta of all knowing all things baby. Oh, did I mention she just had her first baby 5 months ago? So yes, he's the holy grail of babyness.

So anyway, she has really explained to me how hard it is/stupid it is to have a strict birth plan. Because of the numerous things that can happen during your pregnancy, especially during labor and delivery, it is almost unhealthy for you to have such a strict plan of how you think things are going to go. She has explained that she's seen way too many times woman who only have one vision in their mind of how giving birth is going to happen and when they have to divert from that plan they get very overwhelmed and just plain freak out.

I have completely adopted that theory for myself. I do not want a birth plan. Or, in other words I want my birth plan to be called go with the flow. UNFORTUNATELY, it seems like you can't even crack open a baby book to the third trimester and not read about how IT'S TIME TO SET UP YOUR BIRTH PLAN. Or you read, IT'S TIME TO WRITE DOWN YOUR BIRTH PLAN. Worse yet, IT'S TIME TO PUT COPIES OF YOUR BIRTH PLAN IN YOUR BAG FOR THE HOSPITAL. Good grief. Even last night at our birthing center tour, (which was so awesome and I'll post about that next) our nurse who was giving the tour explained how they are really activists for the mom and want to make the experience exactly how the mom would like it to be. She even mentioned that they will try and follow any birth plan the mother has in place.

Uhg, I'm so tired of hearing about preparing a birth plan that I've finally thought I'll do it. I've decided to write this down on a sticky note and through it in the hospital bag just to say I've done it. This is what it looks like:

My Birth Plan

  • To get this baby

  • Which is on the inside of my body

  • To the outside of my body

  • In a hospital

  • With drugs

Ok so what do you think? Think that's good enough? Think that will work? If anything else hopefully now I won't feel so paranoid like I'm the only horrible mom to be out there without a birth plan. Because now I have one!!


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Placenta Brain

I see dumb people...every time I look in the mirror.

I've heard many different terms for the dumbness that happens during pregnancy. Preggo brain, baby brain, the list goes on. I've always liked the term Placenta Brain because the adequate description I was given how the placenta takes up so much blood to grow and nourish your baby that there is not blood left over for your brain.

I also love the stories I've heard of woman having their own placenta brain moments. My girlfriend sat through an entire business lunch at a restaurant with her keys in the ignition and her car running outside...for over an hour. My blog friends have had funny tails of putting the milk away in the pantry and the cereal in the refrigerator. Recently, I've had a few funny stories myself:

Last week I was taking a shower. When I was done with my shower, I just got out of it....without turning the water off. As I stood in my bathroom drying off with my towel a few minutes later I realized that the water was still running. Duh? How does that happen? Turning the water off before you step out of the shower is a habit created from like 5 years old on. How the heck did I mess that one up?

Yesterday I got all ready for my morning walk with the dogs which I do just about every morning. Had my ipod, my earphones, my blackberry, my sunglasses, the dogs, their leashes and I even remembered to bring the poop bags. We were off... Halfway around the block I realized I was slightly uncomfortable. Then I realized I was wearing my flip flops!! What? For 8 years I was in the fitness industry and wore tennis shoes every day of my life. How the heck could I have put on flip flops instead? Needless to say I have a massive case of shin splints today.

On a side note: Here's an updated pic. 28weeks. 3rd trimester. The beginning of the end!If you haven't noticed I've started to feel like my face has finally started to get a little rounder. (I know I've been lucky so far in that I don't gain weight in my face usually....hubs says he still can't see it, but I do) So I've began to take on the theory that the bigger the hair do, the smaller the face. With anymore hairspray I'll belong on the Real Housewives of NJ!!


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

We're Up And Running!

I finally got my new "family friendly" blog up and running. Like I said, this is still my main blog where I am able to really "be me" and post about all the tmi stuff that second cousin Bob on the hubs side twice removed doesn't need to hear about. But if you would like to follow along to both of my blogs, I would love to have you!



Monday, August 16, 2010


I just googled "what age do kids start kindergarten"

It made me wonder...How the hell did our parents raise us without Google? How the hell did they know what to do? What, did they like actually read a book about stuff? A book? Huh?

When our mother's were on a walk and felt their underwear completely become saturated from mucous and weren't able to pull it up on their iPad to research it then and there, how did they handle that?

When they had unprotected sex for the 847th time and still weren't pregnant and they couldn't blog about another unsuccessful round of baby dancing, who did they tell?

How did we as infants not die when our parents put us in cribs with bumpers and blankets and stuffed animals ON OUR STOMACHS for gosh sakes?

How did mother's get milk out of their boob without a $300 device that comes looking like a cute back pack?

This all would be so scary without the instant knowledge in which technology provides us!


Friday, August 13, 2010

A Few Tricks I've Learned

There's definitely a few things, no, a lot of things that people don't tell you. I think you can read as many pregnancy books, and talk to as many moms as you can and still you will figure stuff out that people never tell you. Most of mine have been bathroom related. Here's a few things that might help other preggo's or soon to be preggo's.

- My new favorite outfit to wear around the house is a skirt without underwear on. No, not to be sexy, it just makes the bathroom trips way more convenient. No more bending over to pull anything down. Just sit and go.

-On that note, take a book with you to each bathroom trip. If you sit there for at least 3 minutes longer while reading you will pee again. Knock out 2 pees with one sitting.

-With each diaper purchase to build up your stock, also buy a bottle of stool softener. You will need just as many as you can get your hands on.

- Baby powder will be needed pre-baby. It has a wonderful use for the rubbing that now occurs under your boobs, that went from small B cups to now laying on your stomach.

-There will be days where you gross yourself out by totally out eating your hubs with the amount of food and calories you just ingested.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Nursery Work In Progress

So here's an updated look at the nursery. As you can see we don't have any decoration up on the walls yet, that will come later after my shower. (Wink wink to Grandma who is supplying those gifts!) Also, we don't have the dresser yet which is also going to serve us as the changer. That will be our next purchase after I close on another property....come on commission check!

Anyhow, here's the look from the hallway. As you can see, even though my deepest desires are to have a glider chair with ottoman, I have gone with our lazyboy rocker/recliner. Two reasons for this choice: 1) We already had it and so it was FREE. 2) We already had it and so it was FREE. You see, it was a no brainer in my mind.

Here's just a better look at the crib. It showed up much more beautiful than I'd imagined. The ebony color was a deep rich black just like we'd hoped. And yes, I do have the bumper on the crib for now, just for show. Don't call CPS on me!

The wall to the right is eventually where the dresser will go, and the swing will not be in the room. I thought it looked good there for now. Also, do you notice our shed out back through the window? Well I always told Hubs that if we had a girl I don't know where he would put the lawn mower because I was going to turn it into a doll house. Lucky for hubs he gets to keep his tool shed a bit longer!

Lacy and Kilo in front of the playmat. They've already had their sniff of everything!

Lastely, aren't these the cutest little crocks you've ever seen?


Monday, August 9, 2010

The Weird Thing About Time

Time. It's so weird to me. I once heard a description about time that really resonated with me. "Time: It is an equal opportunity employer. No matter who you are; what class, what status, amount of money you make, or where you live, everybody is always given the same amount of it." I really liked that description, especially when it comes to being a business minded person. Basically I look at it as there is no excuse why I shouldn't be as successful as John Doe is out there. We are all given the same amount of hours in a day and it is all up to me what I do with them.

With that being said....Where the hell did the time go?

Today is August 9th. My due date is November 9th. Wow, only 3 months away from B-Day.

I am 7 months pregnant. That just sounds crazy.

Why is it that the 2ww takes f o r e v e r and yet 9 months of pregnancy goes by in a flash.

I guess time really does fly.

I have a few really exciting posts coming up. I'll have nursery picture updates. I'll have feedback from next weeks OB apt. when I'll be having go get my Rh shot. I'll also have an exciting post all about Hubs and my tour of our birthing center which will also take place text week. Hubs in the birthing center tour will surely provide some entertainment to a post. Have a great week!


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

"Braxton-Itis?" Funny Stuff Hubs Says

So I started being aware of, and really being able to feel Braxton Hicks contractions a few weeks ago. They are nothing painful they just definitely get my attention. My whole stomach gets hard as a rock and it just feels like real tightening for a few minutes, then it's over. It happens mostly when I'm on the move: walking, climbing stairs to get to our seats at a ball game. However sometimes it just happens when I'm laying down as well. I've really not been too concerned about them at all because....well here's the definition via Wikipedia:

Braxton Hicks contractions, also known as false labor or practice contractions are sporadic uterine contractions that usually start around 6 weeks however are not usually felt until the second trimester or third trimester of pregnancy.

Well on Saturday I was hit with quite a few of them. I'd say maybe 6x during that day. Well, when the first one hit hubs and I were getting ready to go for a walk and I just kind of stopped for a second and felt my belly.

"Are you OK?" Hubs asked.

"Yeah" I said "I'm just having a Braxton Hicks"

"A what?" He asked

"A Braxton Hicks" I said kind of in a shocked voice that he had never heard of them before. Only because he's been so good at reading up on things and sometimes he even knows things that are happening in the pregnancy that I don't know. "They are practice contractions. Haven't you ever heard of them"

Well he said he hadn't heard of them so I actually wrote the name down on a sticky note and put it in his wallet and told him to dr. google it when he's at work on Monday. We went off on our walk.

It wasn't too far into our walk that I started having another one. Again, it wasn't painful, it is just enough to be uncomfortable during a power walk so I slowed down and grabbed my belly again.

"Are you having Braxton-Itis?!" Hubs exclaims with authority.

"Braxton-WHAT?" I ask with a huge smile on my face.

"Braxton-Itis or that thing you were telling me about" He asks again, starting to laugh.

"Do you know what the meaning of Itis is?" I ask. "Itis means Inflammation!"

At this point we both pause, look at each other, and look at my belly.

"This is not an inflammation!" I demanded with hands on my belly. "This is a baby!"

We both had a good laugh at how is fumble of words actually had a funny pun to go along with it.

I ended that conversation with a final play on medical terms and said, "Well if this is an itis then I need an ectomy!" (Which means surgical removal) and Hubs said well not yet, let's keep him in there a bit longer. I agreed.