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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Weekend Aftermath

Thank you all so much for such great suggestions! I will definitely use the "hungover" excuse in times to come. The cleanse/lose weight excuse is such a great one too.
As unbelievably ridiculous as this story sounds, here's how it all went down.
Some foreshadowing: No! I did not escape the pregnant question...and it stung, as it always does, to hear it and say no.
We showed up to the restaurant where 4 out of our party of 8 were there and already ordered a drink from the bar. Easy excuse, "No I'll just wait till we're seated."
While seated the first round of drinks get ordered. I order wine. I sipped that same glass of wine for about an hour (we were there for over 3). The waitress finally asked if I'd like another glass, I said yes, as I normally would. I sipped a bit of the second glass, and hubs took the rest to the face. Team player.
We finally leave the restaurant and go to a bar where I though for sure I was in the home stretch. I leaned over the bar close to the the bartender to order hubs a beer, and me a soda water with a twist. (I am typically a vodka drinker so this is perfect for me, so I thought...)
When I received the drink my friend, my GUY friend, asked "What are you drinking, is there alcohol in that?" I responded shocked and said, "Yeah, it's a vodka-soda with a twist, my fav." He then says, "Are you sure, I thought you were pregnant, are you pregnant?" Me, "No! Are you kidding?! I had two glasses of wine at dinner, and you think I'm pregnant?" He unbelievably says, "Yeah, but you were drinking too SLOW."
Because naturally, it must be written that if your pregnant, as long as you drink slowly, it doesn't affect the baby. Ha. I couldn't believe it. Here I was just trying to have a fun night out yet still, I'm reminded....by a dude.....that I'm not pregnant.
Wednesday marks the end of my 2WW and I'm scared to death to pee on a stick. I'm scared to death to get my period. I'm just scared to death. I've heard you should always "presume yourself pregnant until proven otherwise" so I guess I'm trying to keep that attitude. However, I fear and plan for the worse. Today is CD29 and last month my cycle was 36 days. So I'm thinking it would be too early to pee on a stick anyway. So I wait. I guess drinking isn't the only thing that seems to happen s l o w l y...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

There's A Dilemma

First off thank you all for throwing your progesterone dust my way. I received a call around 6pm yesterday saying my levels were good, at 36 point something. I was pleasantly surprised. In the last 24 hours I've gone from totally believing that I am NOT pregnant, to then thinking that I'm pregnant with multiples, to back to thinking there's no way I'm pregnant. Gotta love the mind of an infertile.
Ok, moving on to my original topic, my dilemma. You know ladies, it might be hard to believe this, but uh, I used to be a bit of a "party girl" in my day. (Pause for reaction.) I guess I was what you'd call "the life of the party." I mean if there was a party, I was there, and if I was there, there was a party. Now, before you go deleting yourself from following me, please do realize that I was never NEVER the girl in the above picture. I just put her there for artistic purposes. What I love most about her is if you look close enough, you can see a wedding ring on. That's classy folks.
To the point: The DH and I are travelling this weekend to meet up with our friends for a going away party for one of them. The group being a very close college friend of mine, a friend of the DH's that actually used to live with us, and many other partyin peeps. Now I have shared with a few of my friends and family about our ttc situation. However, with this particular group, ttc is the last thing on everyones mine and I've just decided to keep our struggle to ourselves.
As I have said before, I've actually stopped drinking. I know, I know, the embryo or lack there of doesn't even share fluids for quit some time but still, it has made me feel better in the fact that I know I am doing all I can do. My BIGGEST fear is that my lack of drinking will get noticed, (ok, I know for sure it will, these people are like hawks) More scary yet, I'm deathly afraid of the whole, "Are you pregnant?" question. I mean I think I would laugh if off, shoot my drink out my nose, and have something mysteriously get in my eye all at the same time.
As you can see I'm really nervous about the whole situation. My hubs and I have a few plans were gunna stick to, but heck, he can't drink ALL my drinks AND his own all night. (Well, he COULD but I'm in no mood to clean up after him! lol)
I know I'm stressing over nothing (I hope) but it's either stress over my slurp and spit plan or implantation bleeding. Flip a coin.

My 1st Blog Award

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thanks Holly for having such an awesome blog yourself , and finding time to punish yourself by reading my blog! Seriously, I go back through and read my posts and there's just punctuation and spelling errors all over the place, ha. But truly thank you for finding my words award worthy! I greatly appreciate it!

So now I must:
  • Thank the person who nominated your for this award. (check)
  • Copy the award and place it in your blog. (check)
  • Link the person who nominated you for this award. (what?)
  • Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers
  • Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate. (again, huh?)

7 Interesting things about me:

  1. The grossest thing in the world to me are eye boogies.
  2. My dream job is a Hype Man (the person who gets everybody jazzed up before a live television show)
  3. I've driven the same car since high school. (If it ain't broke, don't fix it)
  4. I have 2 dogs. A Lab/Golden Retriever named Lacy and a mutt/Shepherd mix named Kilo.
  5. I always feel the need to explain to people that Kilo represents kilograms in terms of weight lifting and resistance training, not drugs.
  6. I have participated in almost every sport possible growing up: softball, basketball, gymnastics, dance, cheerleading, swimming, diving, piano/viola (ok not a sport), racquetball, volleyball, handball and golf.
  7. I'm constipated, always. =)

7 Bloggers I pass this on to: (and I don't know how to link the name directly)

Busted Plumbing http://www.bustedplumbing.com/

Fertility Chick http://fertilitychick.blogspot.com/

Shanny http://shannysaidso.blogspot.com/

PCOSChick http://hisandherinfertility.blogspot.com/

E http://finallyababyforus.blogspot.com/

After the Alter http://afterthealter.com/food-revolution/

Fertility Guy http://fertilityguy.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


As we all know, going through this journey has many ups and downs. Some days are harder than others. Some days you are consumed with thoughts of ttc, and some days, you actually feel like a human being for an hour or two because it doesn't cross your mind.
The hardest, or I guess weirdest part for me is having conversations with friends about their babies or pregnancies. Actually, I don't know if it's weirder for me or for them.
As I have told my pregnant friends before, talking to me about about your pregnancy is not at all taboo. "Baby" is not taboo, "nursery" is not taboo, "my nipples are leaking" is not taboo either. Remember that good ole commandment, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s." I.e. BABY! I do not want your baby, I want mine.
However what IS taboo in the infertility world is, "Are you pregnant yet?" (asked the day after your IUI) "Yes Grandma, I felt it kick this morning." "Do you feel ok?" (asked thinking you might already have pregnancy symptoms) "No I feel preggo, stand back, I might be contagious!" "What? It didn't work? That sucks, I'd call them and go right back today to do it again!" (acting like we just bought a piece of electronics that doesn't work.) "No actually, I have to wait, go through cramps, wait, have hot flashes and night sweats, wait, have a dildo cam go where no camera should ever go, wait, pee on sticks, wait, have stuff squirted up there, and wait some more."
Point being, I love talking about your baby and all that goes with it. I just hate talking about the lack of mine, (unless I bring it up of course). =)
I will be getting my progesterone level checked today, one week down. Wish me luck.

Monday, January 25, 2010

There's a yogurt for that

Have you ever noticed that lately there's a yogurt for EVERYTHING?
Boost immunity = Have a yogurt
Can't poop = Have a yogurt
Low energy = Have a yogurt
Lose weight = Have a yogurt
Losing hair = Have a yogurt
Can't pay your bills = Have a yogurt
Well, I'm wondering where is my Pregnancy yogurt? Wouldn't that be nice if all we needed to do to get pregnant was to eat a yogurt on days 5-7 of your cycle, carry 1 go-gurt with you on days 10-20, and eat 5 yogurts on day 25.
Why can't they make a yogurt with the live culture Bifitus-Pregolarus, or something like that?
As you can see I'm still in the middle of my 2ww and driving myself bonkers. No, I don't feel any different. No, I don't have sore nipples or that mythical implantation bleeding. All I have is a lowered appetite and some weight loss. Probably all due to the fact that I started Metformin, and stopped drinking.
Wednesday is my blood drawl. I'm not sure how soon I will get the results back. Maybe they will tell me to go home and have a yogurt while I wait.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A letter of thanks, to future Baby

Dear Our Future Baby,
First off, we want you to know that Mommy and Daddy already love you so very much. We want to say thank you.
Thank you little follies for growing in such hormonal turmoil. Even through high testosterone levels and pcos, you still grew big enough for mommy to have her LH surge. Thanks. To the fellas, thank you for recruiting so many of your friends to come out to play. It was a cold dreary day but you still came out with your game faces on. Daddy really appreciates it. Thank you for hanging in there during the bumpy ride to the doc's office. You hung on tight, you sure are strong. Thank you for so courageously going into mommy so easily. We know how awkward it must have been with all those people in the room. Thank you for not being shy. Egg/eggs, thank you for letting daddy in to your life, just as mommy did years ago. Trust me, you'll be happy with your decision. Finally thank you, through all this, deciding to stick with mommy. We're so glad you chose to have a nine month uterus party.
Boy, we really love ya kid. Thanks!
Love, Mommy and Daddy

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

They're in there!

First off I have to tell you. As I was searching for a picture for this post I was looking for images using search words "girls with legs up." WOW! Did I get a treat with that search. I will be more conscious next time in what might be popping up on my computer screen.
The IUI was completed today with ease. The DH had a great deposit. In fact it was the richest deposit yet. We picked up our little guys in our thermos which was regulated to body temperature, and we made it to the office for a save arrival.
The 2WW begins.
I know logically that there isn't much I can do at this point to help the process. Well, nothing besides what I'm already doing: taking pre-natals, tacking vitamins, taking metformin, not drinking, cutting down on caffeine, and not running as much as I used to everyday. However, I find myself afraid of making any quick movements. I feel the need to be horizontal all day. I get nervous to pee, or scarier yet I don't want to have to push out a number two. You know, I'm afraid to squeeze the little guys out or something. I'm I ridiculous? (Don't answer that.)
The best part was when our RE left the room and suddenly popped back in just to let us know, "you can still make some home deposits as well!" To see the smile on the DH's face was precious.
So now everything is back to normal for a week then I go in to get my blood tested for my progesterone levels. Because of all the meds I've been on they need to make sure my levels are high enough to sustain a pregnancy. That will be next Wednesday.
Until then I'll mourn for morning sickness. Am I a masochist? No, just an infertile!

Friday, January 15, 2010

We pick it up in a what?

Leaving our appointment today we have many mixed emotions. Besides the frustration of having a 2pm appointment but not being seen until 3pm, we are mixed with happy, sad, excitement and nervousness.
In our appointment today we were able to see the follicles growing. This is my third round of chlomid and the highest dosage I've taken, I guess I was really expected to see like 12 of them or something. What we found was none on the left side, and two on the right. I know, I know...you only need one. Yet I guess I was just a little disappointed.
We have decided to go for the IUI this month without a trigger shot. So that means I am to detect my own LH surge at home and notify my RE the morning I do so. The following day we will have an appointment for the DH to make a "withdrawal" followed two hours later by the deposit into me. What happens in those two hours is what really turns up the romance in your relationship. After the withdrawal is washed, separated, scrubbed, manicured, pedicured and blow dried, it is then put into a "thermos" like container. At that point we get to take our little bro's for a car ride with us to the RE's office to then be deposited into mommy. How hilarious. Do we need a car seat for these little guys? I mean is there a law against this? "Driving with too many passengers" or something?
Knowing that our child could possibly be conceived this month is beyond amazing feeling. Knowing that it could happen when there are 3+ people in the room is even more unbelievable. haha.
Here's to being optimistic! Let the surge be with you! (Or with me, at least for the time being)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"Why I oughtta..."

...slap you. Or bite you, or kick you, or (insert violence here) you.
We all have heard it before. We all know about how utterly annoying and painful it is to hear those "words of encouragement" by the non-infertiles out there.
This might be painful...we all hate the "It will happen to you I just know it."
"What's meant to be will be."
"Just relax, it will happen."
"You're still young." (I personally hate that one)
"Everything happens for a reason."
"Just forget about it." (yeah right lady. You pop 13 pills a day and let me know if you can forget about it.)
Anyway, I was hit with some new one's recently which I thought I'd address.
1) No. You telling me how expensive your kids child care costs does NOT make me feel better about not being able to get pregnant.
2) No. I do not want to hear that it took your friend's friend 10 months to get pregnant if she still was able to do so naturally. If she's not having night sweats, hot flashes, mood swings, having to re-arrange her schedule for RE appointments and if she's not broke, don't compare her to me.
3) Lastly was something that happened today. A part of my job as a manager is sales. So there I was today doing my do-diligence and making some phone calls to prospects. While on the phone with one, she decided to throw in there, "I'm six weeks pregnant." Well I ended that call with a "congratulations" and a middle finger to the phone.
My final plea..."LH surge where are you? Come to me!"

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow!

Amazing. It feels so amazing to get positive news. (Especially when it seems as if so many of my fellow blogger ttc friends have received negative news lately.)
Today I saw the most beautiful looking x-ray. It showed both tubes, on both sides, spitting the die out. That means they are both open. (It does not necessarily mean there is no scarring, it just means they are open.) I am thrilled. This hopefully means we will not have to travel down the IVF route, or at least not yet. We're still hoping that one of his varsity swimmers will make it up there. Heck, at this point we'll even take a JV guy.
But this got me thinking today, as I always do, about the future and getting more negative pregnancy tests. Let's say I go another year or two with no baby. Will I then have to change my blog to, "Middle-aged but infertile?" Then what happens if we still don't get pregnant? Dare I say I may have to be "Old but infertile." At that point I will have to take out the "but" and put "and" just to have it make sense. Boy oh boy I think I've taken too many fertility pills today or something.
Also this morning I was doing my normal morning routine which includes: having my morning cup of coffee and reading the next chapter of "The Fertility Sourcebook" by M. Sara Rosenthal. I was reading the chapter geared toward men to read. In it, many useful tips and encouragement for the men to get involved with your spouses cycle and body by asking questions. However, I was stunned to read the section on "Familiarizing yourself with your partner's cervical mucus." There was, "Ask her to let you touch it and feel it between your fingers." And, "Ask her to look at her panties." YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I'm all about having the help and not going through this alone. I am very lucky to have a supportive partner but I feel this is just too much. Is this the in thing? Is this what all the partners are doing out there?

Monday, January 11, 2010


Now, before I get any further in this posts I would like to remind you that I am not the kind of person that thinks everything should be fair. Heck, I don't even like to keep that word in my vocabulary. I grew up in a household where I knew the world isn't fair. For example if I had a friend allowed to do something that I was not allowed to do, I was never able to pout and say "that's not fair." It's just life.

However, may I vent now..."THIS IS NOT FAIR!" It is so easy, natural actually, to begin to feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to whine about it. I mean, obviously it is not fair when you have to be put through the ringer, (test after test after test) just to see if you're "allowed" to get pregnant or they'll "let you" get pregnant. Then you hear of a friend, of a friend, of a friend who got pregnant just because her spouse looked at her during the moment she was ovulating. (How lucky you think, this only happens in the blissful world of the fertiles.)

It is so true though. It takes a while to truly get over the fact that you have to "ask a Dr.'s permission" and "pay for" something to happen that you feel is your God given right as a woman. Then, before they help you must be tested. They need to test your blood for disease, your liver function to make sure you can handle the meds, your dh's sperm, your pee, your bank account, your glucose tolerance, your hormones, your finger prints, and Great Aunt Gertrude's stool sample just in case.

You must rise above and realize that although "un-fair" this is the path chosen for you. I do realize that this is our journey, our path, and we will get through it together. Tomorrow is my HSG that I am just now beginning get nervous about. I am not nervous about the result as I know in my head already that it will be worst case scenario and my tubes are blocked. (This is another amazing ability of an infertile. You can actually diagnose yourself before the test even takes place.) I am nervous about the pain. Any advice out there?


Saturday, January 9, 2010

The 1 Week Wait

"What? What is she talking about?" You ask, "Doesn't she mean the 2 week wait?"

No, this post is dedicated to the 1WW (or at least that's what I'm calling it) because I believe it doesn't get nearly a loud enough voice. The 1WW I am referring too is roughly the time between your period ending, and ovulation. It is during this time I believe any infertile goes a little nuts and is totally obsessed with her infertility (even if you're doing IVF because at this point you're still hoping for those follicle babies to grow grow grow)!

There are many factors at this point. The biggest is, "To sex, or not to sex?" That is the ultimate question. Naturally, because you're a true infertile you know exactly how many hours your DH needs between "deposits" to create the most efficient currency. (Yes, you know this because he's been tested....multiple times.) Therefore you question, should you do it today, or wait and do it tomorrow then in two days after that? Uhg. Plus you get this mythical fear that you don't want him to "waste" it. Which obviously is a fear unnecessary to have.

Another factor at this point in your cycle is how consumed you are with what "day" it is. True story: I was asked once what the date was. I responded, "It is day 17." (Weird look on face) "Wait no it's the 9th, today is the 9th"

A third factor is your obsession with nailing down precisely when you're ovulating. (Even though you have ultrasounds scheduled so you're RE will be able to tell you, you still need to use you're own methods just in case.) So there you are, every morning, taking your temperature. Unfortunately, due to the night sweats you're having from the chlomid, so far this month your temp says you've ovulated 3 times already and it's only day 10. However you press on every morning-you're determined to find some consistency in this bar graph that looks more like an EKG rhythm strip.

The last factor in nailing down when you're ovulating is an ovulation kit. Well aren't those fun. When you do detect your LH surge you get a positive! Two lines! Or in the case of a digital test you even get a smiley face! Oh boy, how exciting. Don't be alarmed if you find yourself at the store buying another kit just to take all 7 tests and get all 7 positives. You just love feeling proud of yourself. It's natural. Just don't tell your DH how expensive those little buggers are.

So, as you can see the 1WW can be just as time consuming, overwhelming, and as miserable as the 2WW. Go forth! Continue to check your calendar every 10 minutes, your temp every day, buy those ovulation kits in bulk, and put time minimums and maximums on your DH. You're not crazy, you're just an infertile!


Friday, January 8, 2010

The Power of Pills

The next obvious question is, "How do you get pregnant when you're not having a period?" The answer, "Take a pill." Perfect. Not to be confused with a chill-pill which we all know you are unable to take during infertility.
10 days of Provera and wah-la there she is, AF. (Yes that stands for Aunt Flo, and yes I'm still calling it that.) But wait, 10 days? In a normal cycle you have 12-13 chances a year to get pregnant. (Here is where I start to do math.) If you add 10 days to each cycle that drops your chances down to like only 9 chances a year. That's some BS!
In any case it works so there I am 26 starting my first round of chlomid. A typical cycle is day 1, you announce to everyone that it is the first day of your period. i.e. you ask your DH to get you a tampon because of course it comes when you're on your downstairs toilet, you make that humiliating call to your RE that AF is here and she needs to call in your Rx, you call your friend to tell her how bad the cramps are now that you're off the pill, and you decide to tell your neighbor it's day 1 just for good measure. Anyways, day three your chlomid starts, day 7 it ends, days 10-20 you do it every other day, then you wait.........AF. Ahhh!
In the fertility world there are many labels they put on you. In fact, when the clerk asks you for your initials you accidentally say TTC. However most have negative connotations. For example if you do not conceive while doing a round of chlomid, you are in fact what they call, a "Chlomid Faliure." Beautiful. Because taking chlomid has now actually jump started my periods on their own (no more provera) my girlfriend likes to call me a "Menstrual Success" rather than a chlomid failure. Gotta love those positive friends!
I am currently on my third round of chlomid treatment and my RE uped my dosage. I will be going in on Tuesday for my HSG. At that point I will find out what problems my college problem has left me with. In a HSG you get die put up in your uterus and they then take an x-ray of your fallopian tubes. At that point they will see if there is any scarring or blockage that would prevent the egg dropping down, or scarier yet would cause an ectopic pregnancy. At that point we will be left with two choices: 1) tubes are not blocked = IUI. 2) tubes are blocked = IVF (plus a second mortgage on our house). Wish me luck.
In the meantime I'm still finding ways to laugh. The other day my DH asked if it was appropriate to bill Butthead for the HSG expense. I thought absolutely. Gotta love a DH with a sense of humor.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Full History

So Let's start at the beginning, as shameful as it may be. 15 years of age, what a perfect time to start on OC's, you know, for the cramps. Do you remember those days? The days when you thought becoming pregnant would ruin your world, when you would do anything and everything to prevent pregnancy: pee right after, use a condom and pull out, you know, all those scientifically proven methods of BC. Well now we just look back and laugh, who knew it would be this hard? Or scarier yet, impossible? And of course your mother thinks you're an infertile because you've been on OC's for most your life....which is not true, not at all true. So if you've been on the pill, don't take the guilt pill, it's ok.

So there I am in college in my early twenties. At this point I have moved on to the second loser in my relationship history (or as my family calls him Butthead, first there was Bevis of course). Thinking at that point my life was set, I felt like I had the world by the balls, nothing could get me down until.....I became a statistic. (At this point I feel my mother cringing) I was feeling pain, down there, and had a check up. Chlamydia. I had chlamydia. Are you kidding me? Seriously? How gross. I felt gross, dirty actually. I felt like the nurses looked at me like "ew, don't touch her". The humility was almost unbearable. The upside? Treatment was a breeze. 7 days of antibiotics, oh and a shot, but then gone for good. Right? Yes, the bacteria was gone, but the shame follows me to this day. What also follows me is the Dr.'s words that day telling me this could have caused me to be INFERTILE! What? Really? What I have now come to find out years later, which is something I want any girl to know out there who may have gone through this, is that the word "infertile" is a term, it is a category, a condition you have. It in no way means you will never get pregnant!! Oh do I wish someone would have told me that then. When you are an infertile it's a condition just as if you had hypertension. It means you will need medicine and extra care, it does not mean you will die tomorrow.

Fast forward a few years and I meet my DH. After two years of dating and that oh so fun "I may never be able to get pregnant" talk he still wants to marry me. Wow. So we marry. Honey, I love you.

Meanwhile, after meeting "the one" I decide to go off the pill. How exciting right?! Well, 6 mo. and no period. Went to OB, she says nothing. I break up with my OB. Find new OB, does tests, and ultrasound and here it is diagnosis #1 PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is a condition that suppresses ovulation because of cysts on the ovaries. How do you get it? It's not sure but it mostly effects overweight women with insulin resistance. GREAT! I have a problem that obese diabetics have. Sweet! The irony here, I'm not overweight, and do not have diabetes in my family.

We find a RE. Which will be a whole different post in itself. Finding the right RE for you is so important. She tests my DH sperm. Low count. S$!t. (However I must say there was a slight relief that I wasn't the only one with problems as bad as that may sound). Semen re-test. High count and great motility. WaHooo! (However I must say again that I was slightly upset that yet again it has been confirmed that I am the only one with problems).

Let the Chlomid begin... (not to be confused with chlamydia)


p.s. Here's a list of just a few things to remember as you begin your infertility journey
1. Everybody on Facebook is pregnant.
2. The best Doctor is Dr. Google. Any symptom you have, he will say you might be pregnant.
3. I hear it helps to go outside, look up in the sky, and wave your arms. Obviously the problem must be that your stork is lost and you need to flag him down.
4. Stop buying pee sticks. The kind you buy never have two lines.
5. Ask for a dollar from anyone who inquires when you and your DH will have a baby. In two months you will saved up enough for all your infertility needs.
6. During an ultrasound you will be full of joy and cry happy tears. Not because you see or hear your baby, but because you see a follicle.
7. You will start turning your friends down for social engagements. Just use this, "We can't this weekend, we have to save up to buy our baby, sorry."
8. You will find yourself being jealous of the nurse at the semen analysis clinic. It's natural, you're sure her ovaries are just perfect.

Breaking my Blog Cherry

Welcome to my blogspot and my first official post ever! First off I'd like to share my reasons for starting a blog as there are two.

First, and most important, I hope to share laughs and lessons learned. Since the beginning of my infertility battle (which feels like 20yrs) I have learned so much through following fellow ttc friends (sweet, I get to use acronyms now that I'm a blogger) on their blogspots. Knowing what to expect going into a HSG and understanding that I'm not alone in being obsessed with the TP after I wipe, or touching my nipples hoping for tenderness has given me so much comfort, and the strength to go on. I just hope to help another young infertile out there. Yup that's me, changing the world one infertile at a time.

Second, and most selfish, I am hoping to find this therapeutic. Because I'm a no patience, need to know now, constantly worrying kind of gal, I hope to find peace in putting my feelings, issues, and struggles out there. Also, I hope to find my sarcasm, wit and sometimes wacky behavior (it must be the hormones) keeping me and my DH (acronyms again) laughing.

As of now I'm not even sure who I will tell about this blog. Maybe when I'm ready to really face reality I will let my beloved friends and family in on my new blog. Until then it's just between you and me mr. worldwideweb.