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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Self-Screw


No ladies, this is not some fabulous new maneuver that will help you conceive 100% of the time. (Though I wish there was one...hey, has anyone tried a pillow under your hips?) lol.
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The Self-Screw is what happens after another failed attempt, another BFN (big fat negative), another box of tampons or another round of provera.
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The Self-Screw starts with massive build up of resentment to all your ttc antics, to the point where you feel the need to take your anger out on them. "I'll show you who's boss stupid folic acid pill!" "Make your own pee yellow you dumb B-complex." "Alcohol Shmalcohol pour me a double!"
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The morning of the self-screw usually starts out with you taking your hub's temperature instead of your own. Obviously yours isn't working. Then, you take one look at the prenatals and all the other horse pills you are swallowing, and you throw them down the sink. You obviously don't need those anyway right? Then it's followed by the decision NOT to call your RE today. You're going to call her on day 2 just to break the rules. Since you don't feel preggo at least you can feel like a rebel. Then you go to work and actually have to act like a human being. It helps to boast and brag to all women with small children about how much free time you have and all the fabulous places you and your hubs are going to travel this year. (She need not to know you have no money to travel to these wonderful places.) Then finally you're back home again where you throw your high-folic acid diet to the dogs. It's pizza and beer for everyone tonight...followed by chocolate and wine...with a side of martini.
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Unfortunately, the negative backlash and the true meaning of the Self-Screw sets in: It may feel good at the time, but in reality, your just doing it to yourself.
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Tiffany

3 comments:

Shanny said...

As many times as I've self screwed myself, I'll be honest: I never learn. I always bask in the moment and do what I have to do, its like telling infertility "You think you are the only one who can screw with me? Think again, I can do it better than you" Sad. So sad.

Big hugs Tiffany.

InfertileNaomi said...

How about 'Screw you Infertility!'Keep holding onto hope. Hope is all we have.

Holly said...

oh god I am so guilty of the self-screw just about every CD1.