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Friday, February 26, 2010

I Eat My Feelings


I have never been an emotional eater. A bored eater, yes, but never emotional. Actually, I have more of a history of not eating when I'm stressed or emotional than over-eating.
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Thanks to infertility, that has all changed. I have been eating my feelings. Why? I don't know. I don't know if eating something is calming to the constant worry. I don't know if it's because at least for that split second I can think about the food and not my uterus. Or, I don't know if it's the fact that if I eat enough, I then in turn get a stomach ache, and then for those few hours I can sit and wonder if my stomach ache is pregnancy cramps.
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Wow, I'm screwed up. I mean it's only 7:30am and I've already ate my feelings to the point I want to vomit. I know hubs, this is so attractive. As if my oatmeal and coffee wasn't enough, I had to follow it up with a muffin and another coffee. Yack. (But don't those hot dogs look good?)
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So I've officially gone off the deep end this cycle. It seems to get worse and worse each one. I was thinking back yesterday on the day last cycle I got my period. You know, I don't even remember being sad, I just remember thinking "OK, call the doc, get on the meds, let's get this thing going again." But now, I feel if AF comes I'll just be devastated. Maybe it's a "survival mode" thing. I mean maybe when AF does come I just kick it into auto-pilot and do what has to be done. Maybe this 2WW part is the worst part, the waiting, the wishing, the feeling. I think when the negative news hits I don't even feel anymore, I just jump into action.
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Did I mention how badly I want to POAS?
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Tiffany

14 comments:

Lindsay said...

I know how you feel! Since starting IF treatments in August, I've been so bad and slowly put on more weight than I'd like to admit. I know some of it is from the medications, but some of it is also eating my feelings or eating for comfort!

Lisa said...

I hear you on the eating....the last two cycles were terrible. gained five pounds!!! that my not seem like alot but on my body it is. Try not to beat yourself up to much about it...fresh start everyday I think I remeber you telling me this :D

Best of luck

Auntie Sissy said...

I just started reading you blog- and I am pulling for you girl!!! I am!! Don't give yourself a hard time about the emotional/hormonal eating, it will only make you feel worse. You are only human, and you are OK. And I agree with Lisa- fresh start everyday :)

Take care,
Auntie Sissy

cristiniscouponcrazy said...

I found you on Friday Follow
I am now following you
im looking forward to reading your blog:)
Have a great Friday!
(if your not snowed in!!!)
Cristin
http://cristiniscouponcrazy.blogspot.com

One Southern Girl said...

Stopping by from Friday Follow to say Hi!

Hannah @ HappilySouthern
www.happilysouthernreviews.blogspot.com

Mrs. Hesson said...

Found your blog on Friday Follow :) Praying for you!

http://meetthehessons.blogspot.com/

Helena said...

New FFollower! Hope to send out some positive vibes over the internet your way! Please check out my 'AGalNeeds...' Blog for reviews and great giveaways!

Waiting Lisa said...

I won't even tell you what I ate the night we found out we weren't chosen by yet another expectant mother. Really, I can't even type it, it's that embarrassing.

Holly said...

the 2ww really is the WORST part. I hate that there is nothing I can do. No steps I can take, nothing I can in any way control. Hang in there, you're almost to the end of this one, hopefully with a bfp waiting for you

Sheri said...

Just found you. I am praying for you. I had secondary infertility, but even I know that's nothing compared to what you are going through. Following you so I can cheer you on!

Kim said...

I think we are all guilty of eating our feelings! I think it's more of an anxiety thing. And then we get all bloated and full we can push our bellies out say, I think I am pregnant! LOL

It's crazy how quickly we can go from being devastated to jumping right back on the horse. I think because even though our chances are blown when AF arrives, it immediately presents us with another opportunity to try. If it was months instead of weeks between cycles, that could be pretty depressing.

Everything is crossed for you this cycle

xoxoxoxoxo

Kim said...

p.s The hot dogs do look good!!

joeandbridge said...

Hi There! Just popping in from Friday Follow to be your newest follower. Hope you can visit me too! Have a great weekend!

Bridgette Groschen
The Groschen Goblins
http://www.groschengoblins.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

why dont you work out please...meet people in real life not on the comp...sketch