I Eat My Feelings

I have never been an emotional eater. A bored eater, yes, but never emotional. Actually, I have more of a history of not eating when I'm stressed or emotional than over-eating.

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Thanks to infertility, that has all changed. I have been eating my feelings. Why? I don't know. I don't know if eating something is calming to the constant worry. I don't know if it's because at least for that split second I can think about the food and not my uterus. Or, I don't know if it's the fact that if I eat enough, I then in turn get a stomach ache, and then for those few hours I can sit and wonder if my stomach ache is pregnancy cramps.

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Wow, I'm screwed up. I mean it's only 7:30am and I've already ate my feelings to the point I want to vomit. I know hubs, this is so attractive. As if my oatmeal and coffee wasn't enough, I had to follow it up with a muffin and another coffee. Yack. (But don't those hot dogs look good?)

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So I've officially gone off the deep end this cycle. It seems to get worse and worse each one. I was thinking back yesterday on the day last cycle I got my period. You know, I don't even remember being sad, I just remember thinking "OK, call the doc, get on the meds, let's get this thing going again." But now, I feel if AF comes I'll just be devastated. Maybe it's a "survival mode" thing. I mean maybe when AF does come I just kick it into auto-pilot and do what has to be done. Maybe this 2WW part is the worst part, the waiting, the wishing, the feeling. I think when the negative news hits I don't even feel anymore, I just jump into action.

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Did I mention how badly I want to POAS?

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Tiffany